I’m conflicted.

As I pen this, I am preparing to depart on a connection from Green Bay to Detroit on a plane with a noticeably high percentage of runners.  They just completed the Cellcom Green Bay Marathon or Half Marathon and are full of bliss as they venture home with bling around their necks.

Me… I’m conflicted.  Happy with life in its entirety, but conflicted with my running life.

Conflicted

The facts…

  • My shin is hurting again in the same way it did before my hiatus.  It doesn’t hurt when I’m actually running, but is quite sensitive to the touch.  Without a doubt, an x-ray is in my very near future… enough with self-diagnosis (such a typical dude move).
  • My level of running fitness simply sucks.  When I run, I suck wind and labor like I smoked a pack of reds.  I haven’t bounced back as my optimistic noodle envisioned.
  • Given the above, Captain Henry and I deferred our marathon adventure from this past weekend to a future date – hopefully, the Fox Cities Marathon in September. This decision absolutely gutted me.

The feelings…

  • I feel like I’ve lost my running mojo.  It’s tough for me to get out the door.  My legs are heavy and I’m feeling like an aging car that just can’t accelerate like it used to… my 2006 Ford Fusion (with 200k miles) and I have something in common 🙂
  • In the last week, my mind was again doubting my ability and desire to return to form.  A sensitive shin didn’t help.  I’m not used to being injured and am really, really horrible at it!
  • Then, this weekend came.  Being in the proximity of a running event, but on the other side of the rope – as a spectator and volunteer – I was like a dog.  A dog that just needed to hunt…  if not for this damn leash!  The instinct remains and an ember still exists for stoking the fire.

Seeking your wisdom…

Those are the facts and the feelings.

Now, I kindly ask for your wisdom and counsel.

What should I do now?

Do I run the HFM Maritime Marathon on June 12 as originally planned?   Knowing that…

  • My shin doesn’t hurt when running, but there is likely risk associated with proceeding.
  • My time isn’t going to be anything to write home (or blog!) about due to lack of training, but I can still have fun.
  • I will may need a longer break after to truly get past this injury.

(Insider info not meant to sway your input – It’s my favorite race, I’ve been blogging on the race’s site, and it would be my fifth straight…kind of a fun, dorky milestone.)

Or do I layoff now in hopes of a better autumn running season?

What would you do?

So, here I am sitting on plane… vulnerable, conflicted, and seeking advice via a blog. 🙂

And my final destination today… Boston.  Go figure!

8 thoughts on “Conflicted & seeking wisdom

  1. Well, dad will be doing the Bellin even if it means we are pushing him in a wheelchair at the age of 90! If you are able to do it without caring about time and ego (a hard thing to do at times for any runner…even when they say they don’t care, they secretly do), then I say go for it!!! However, make sure you get the all clear, medically speaking, from Jennie first! If the answer is yes, I will be there to cheer you on! (and secretly wishing I was running that race, too…too bad my own bruised ego gets in my way!!). It would be cool for you to have your own tradition with the HFM Maritime Marathon, just as dad does with Bellin!!
    Have a safe trip, big brother! Much love!

      1. But I must play devil’s advocate for a moment…
        I’m sure there may be a haunting voice telling you “not to overdo it.” Wise words from a wise lady. Whatever you decide, remember…running doesn’t define you.

  2. Hi Mark, my thought would be to run the Bellin which will scratch your running itch. Fun event and less stress on your body. See what volunteer opportunities there are in Manitowoc. Recover fully so you and Henry are ready to roll for the Fox Cities this fall. Whichever choice you make, you will own it, you always do!

  3. Mark – you clearly need running in your life. That much clearly comes through in your writing.

    However – a step back and prospective on your long term health needs to be considered. Remember that it is a marathon, not a sprint (so to speak). Maybe Henry could still get some benefit from a shorter run, or some other activity?

    Don’t get discouraged from sucking wind – enjoy the journey. Not everything needs to be so results driven and immediate. Look at all you have accomplished! I know you are humble, and never satisfied, but damn!! Take the time to get right – Allow Mark Cumicek to be human, if just for a little bit :-).

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